What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 03:00
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
While emptying a house, have you ever seen something in it that blew your mind?
Ive learnt so much.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
It was going to be , some day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My life is so biszare .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What are some reasons why some men choose to live alone instead of getting married?
I think the readers, may guess!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
In what ways does Islam oppress women?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What was your first gay male experience?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was 9 years of age.
I was seconnd youngest,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What did i know ?
But ive been too sick for many years..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were not on the streets..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was in good health!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot live in the past .
And i lived it daily.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We all went to grammer schools
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I don,t even have a pension.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He knew the spot.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Comes on , in middle age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
When she asked me how she looked .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She married twice! .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I have no regrets .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So, i spoilt her more .
I said to her
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is soul school!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im still living with it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
All the time i was locked up.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I waited trembling.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She found it foreign!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She wouldn,t have been !
I was very sick at this time too.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But, we were locked up after school.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why did i forgive my father ?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My family never makes their pension either.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I will be 64.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I write beautiful poetry .
Would this be the day?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him